Diaries of the past
by simply-awsome
Summary: You've watched Inuyasha. You know the characters. But do you know their deepest, darkest secrets? Naraku tells us his evil ways. Sesshomaru's secret hair product is revealed. And Kagome tells us about her secret collection of things you weren't expecting.
1. Naraku the evil

Disclaimers: I do not own Inuyasha nor do I own the idea of writing a story in which Naraku seems like a stupid non-evil mastermind.

I was bored. I wanted to write. This is what I came up with

:) :)

My name is Naraku. Naraku Oonigumo. Do you know what that means? Well, neither do I. But I know it's something evil. Why? Because I'm evil. KUKUKUKUKU! That's right. I've got my own evil laugh. Don't you? Well, too bad. My evil laugh is one of the best evil laughs ever. It sticks to you until the day you die. It sticks to you in your nightmares. Once you hear it once, you will never be able to keep it out of your head. Yes, that's how evil my laugh is. It's so evil that it stalks you. It's probably watching you right now. Yup, I can see it, looking at you through your window.

Well, this will be my diary. Yes, I know what you're thinking. An evil mastermind with a diary? Let me tell you something—diaries are evil. Yes, they are. So if you keep one, you can pat yourself on the back. But don't be too smug. My diary's eviler. HA!

This will be a record of my success, the heart of my entire existence. This will be what you fan girls will fight over because you love my evilness so much. This is awesomeness in progress. But it's a dark sort of awesomeness.

Why don't we start with my day today? I've done a lot of evil things today. For a start, I ripped off the head of Kagura's favourite teddy bear. It was a really cute one too, with big brown eyes and little ears. But I had to do it. The wentch refused to watch Inuyasha and his gang. She told me I was obsessing over that miko girl in their group. I guess I am. Why? Because it sounds evil. And because I love her hair. It's almost as shiny as mine, or even Sesshomaru's.

It was midday when I started realizing just how dull my life had become. So I played catch with Kanna. I ended up breaking her mirror with the ball, so we bought a new ordinary one from the corner store (the store around the corner, duh). But we won't tell anyone else that…I'm much more frightening when people think that I have a little girl with a magical mirror under my control.

This diary is already making me feel eviler. It's an amazing feeling, really.

Moving on, after a quick trip to the store, I decided I would wash my hair. It's an amazingly difficult task, considering that first I have to steal the miko girl's shampoo bottle. It makes my hair smell good. So, off I went. It would've been easier if Kagura came along, but she absolutely refused. I have decided that I will not pay her this week. How that for evil? KUKUKU!

I managed to get the shampoo bottle from the miko after killing yet another village and dodging several of Inuyasha's wind scars. Honestly, that guy gets angry so easily. Especially after I told him that his hair will never be as shiny as Sesshomaru's. That seemed to have ticked him off. But I was just being honest. That will be the last time I ever try to do something good.

After a long two hours of bathing in a cold river (that's right- COLD, like me) I went home to cuddle with my overstuffed couch and slept. Ah, I love my life, and all the evilness that comes along with it.

:) :)

So, how's that for evil? KUKUKU!

Anyways, moving on, please review

Love you all and good night!


	2. Kagura the loyal

Disclaimers: I do not own Inuyasha.

Hey guys! This chapter belongs to Naraku's diary. The next one will belong to Kagome's…or Sesshomaru's…or Inuyasha's…or Miroku's…I'm not really sure…

This chapter's pretty short, but I hope you like it anyways :)

:) :)

Hello. I'm guessing you all thought that this would be Naraku. Well, it's not. Boo hoo. Get over it. It's actually Kagura, his most loyal and amazingly beautiful servant. Well, diary (I mean, _evil _diary) I would like to tell you about how Naraku killed my teddy yesterday. That's right- _killed. _Now, I'm not saying he isn't a great boss (he isn't) all I'm saying is that…he's cruel. We all knew that…but to kill Sesshy-kun...now that was going too far. Sesshy-kun was beautiful…he had big brown eyes…though sometimes I would pretend they were golden, like the setting sun…and he had brown fur…but I would pretend it was silver, soft as silk and just _beautiful_…ahem…Anyways, we're getting off track here. The point is—Naraku is one mean baboon.

Now, it's not like I want to rant about how horrible it is to live with that animal, I just want to make a couple of points. First—he smells like Hakudoshi's diaper. You would think that a baby with the brain of a man who was over fifty years old would be potty trained. Nope. Nopitty nope nope. And guess who was stuck changing the little freak's diapers? That's right, it was me. And Naraku- OH Naraku…he stank even more then the baby. He was like a moving, talking, evil, thinking-of-evil-ways-to-kill-people stink bomb. I guess that he uses diapers too…that explains why he has a box of huggies lying in his bedroom.

Second- the man's ugly. I know I'm being shallow, but seriously…why can't he be as pretty as Sesshomaru? Then maybe I wouldn't mind working for the monkey. The ugliest thing about Naraku is his hair. Don't get me wrong, he's ugly all over, but his hair's just…ew. It's a greasy mess of string. Like seriously, I can't even call it hair. It's like some sort of hideous pasta.

Third- he likes to play with my feathers. You know the ones that fly me around all over the place? Yeah, those. He likes to pretend he's some cool surfer dude while he rides them. I know about Kanna's mirror, and I'm not letting that happen to my feathers. I just need to think of a good enough hiding place. Like the laundry room…he'll never go in there.

OH- I hear the ugly piece of evil coming up the stairs. I hope he falls down them and dies. Well, sweet dreams, Naraku's diary. It was nice to get that off my chest.

:) :)

I hope you liked it.

I love you all! Thanks so much for the reviews, they all made me smile.

R&R


	3. Inuyasha the psycho

Disclaimers: I do not own Inuyasha

Sorry! It's been a while, hasn't it! Well, happy start of the school year, and to celebrate, how about we pop open a bottle of Inuyasha's diary? Yayyyyy!

:) :)

Dear book thing that I'm forced to write in,

I am Inuyasha, not that it's any of your business.

Kagome calls you a diary. I call you wimpy and for the weak. But NO, Kagome never listens to me. Just like that time I told her that it wasn't a good idea to go pee behind that bush. And now she has a poison ivy rash. Great. She's a stubborn mule that can shoot pretty pink arrows. And she just happens to be my best friend. Yay. Aren't I just soooo lucky?

Maybe I wouldn't hate you if you looked manlier. Like if you had a picture of superman on the cover, or maybe a picture of Taylor Swift (what can I say? She has a pretty voice). But what do I get? A diary with a picture of Hello Kitty kissing a gerbil. Why the hell is that cat kissing a rat anyways? And what kind of message does that send out to kids? That you should set up your cat and your pet gerbil on a blind date? Yeah, that'll go well. The gerbil will end up pretty blind once the cat tears it to pieces. And what happens then? That's right- the kid's dreams are crushed and he's scarred for life. No wonder Souta's so deranged. I mean, who fights fake people in a magic box when you can go out and do it in real life? Because a cat scarfed down your pet gerbil, that's why.

Alright, so since I'm already doing this, I guess that I should write down some meaningful stuff. Kagome said that it would help my 'state of mind', whatever that is. Anyways, here I go…

One; I secretly wish that I had a purple wig. I like purple hair. In a way, I guess I'm jealous of Naraku and his purple tinted hair. But don't worry, one day, it will be mine, for I will kill him.

Two; I'm kind of happy that I'm not with Kikyou. Not that she's a bad person, she's great. It's just that she never liked chicken. Kagome loves chicken. She puts extra pieces into my ramen. I think we all know who wins.

Three; I love cats. I know that I'm a dog and all, but hey, I think that by the end of the series, we all learn that not everyone is as they seem. I'm not just a dirty half-breed who's so handsome that you all melt when you see me, Sesshomaru's not just a block of ice, Miroku's not just a guy I don't want to talk about and Kagome's not just a powerless little girl. Not that she looks like…okay, maybe a little…dammit, if she reads this, I'm dead.

Three; I'm a vampire. Shocker, I know, but really, where do you think all that blood from the demons we kill goes? I mean, Japan would've been flooded if we hadn't been cleaning after ourselves. Oh, and guess what else? Yeah, Kagome's a vampire too. Well, she is now. He he he.

Four; I wish I was Rin. I will not elaborate on this little fact, as I think I've already given too much away…feh.

Five; Kagome's mom takes me to a psychologist every other Sunday. They give me free ramen, so I'm okay with it. I just don't understand why…okay maybe I need it…a bit…

Six; I like interior designing. I designed Kaede's hut. A fireplace in the middle, three wooden walls, a zebra print feature wall made of real zebra skin and hardwood floors (Walnut and cherry). Simple, sophisticated, stylish and very modern. C'est magnefique!

And…okay, monk, I know you're reading over my back. If you don't stop now, you won't live to see another day. That's right, be afraid. Be very afraid and run. Why are you not running, you stupid fake monk? Oh I'm going to get you! Just you wait, you stupid, ugly, crappy, not-so-smart, butt groping, monkey looking, fat, disgusting, pig! *Runs after Miroku screaming out profanities*

_Inuyasha was unable to finish his diary entry_

_:) :)_

Okay, not the best chapter, but I tried…

Happy school, guys! The good old days start all over again, the sleeping on the crowded bus, the being called on in class when you have no idea which class you're in, let alone what the teacher just said and the long speeches on the importance of finishing homework on time.

Please Review!

I love you all!

'Till next time, my fellow fanfictioneers. We shall meet again :D


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